I’m 24 years old now. It happened yesterday. I went through my usual rituals. I had a cigar and the world’s largest cappuccino. I sat down and wrote. Mostly just nonsense and ridicule, the occasional praise for something I had done well or accomplished.
It’s been a strange year, really two years or so. Funny how in life no matter how many maps you have you never know where you’re going.
When I was writing I remembered something I read earlier this year. It was in that popular Viktor Frankl book Man’s Search for Meaning. During his time in the concentration camp he spells out a scene in which all of the people working in the concentration camp turned to each other and said “you have got to see this… look!” And everyone stopped working for just a few seconds as they looked at the sky. All it was… it was just the sun peeking and pouring through the clouds. I found it ominous and a bit of a harbinger. But also it made me think of how remarkable it is that the human mind can find beauty in the darkest of situations. But how sad it is that the opposite seems true too. That some people find darkness and a reason to complain when there is nothing to complain about. I think the word for these people is “entitled”.
There’s another kind of person too. The type that when they don’t see the light in dark times, they create it. This I suppose this is the job of the artist.
Throughout the day thoughts raced through my mind. Some worth thinking about, some worthless. Isn’t that always the case? I reminded myself of a poem I once wrote.
Flowers of Maldoror:
The soil is sick deadly Don’t touch it with hand bare The flowers wilt to Death’s melody Reach…grasp…reach… nothing’s there The water’s black toxic Don’t let it kiss your lips Red herring and green plastic mock it Drink, don’t drink; either way die for sips Take a deep breath… choking The air has unruly friends Unruly and deadly friends a’floatin’ Breathe or not, you’ll die chokin’ All light’s been suppressed Darkness surrounds me I look for light in others Darkness all around me, thick is the haze Give me a match I’ll light myself ablaze ...So, where am I going? Well, I don’t need any more maps for where I'm going. I’ll follow that sun as it peeks and pours through the clouds. Rest assured I’ll get where I’m bound. You can’t get anywhere else.